A couple days ago a friend of ours was on line and we were chatting about his family history and what areas his family was from.... baby steps in research began to overtake me and I began riddling him with questions about his family; who, where, when? military? married to who? maiden names please... any children? It felt as if my interest in his family was therapeutic in a way, suddenly I was printing out charts to complete and looking for gaps in the information to fill in for him.
Over the last few days I have also been finding that I wasn't interested in the other stuff that I'd been busying myself with since my Dad's passing. Specifically the games I've discovered on facebook, which are simply time eaters, very addicting and certainly keep me occupied, but not in a good way. These things were a simple distraction, keeping me from thinking about the sad fact that my Mom was now without her partner - and my Dad was gone - we couldn't ask him about the photos any longer and any questions that come up in the future would possibly go unanswered. Soon Mom would be going home to a house that was filled with memories of her time spent there with my Dad, and in the not to distant future, I myself will make that trip and I'm still not sure how it will impact me. Being here keeps it from being totally "real" if that makes any sense.
My Mom left my house morning, with all her things that mean so much to her in this world and her dog packed in her vehicle for the 4 hour trip home, but I'm still here at my home... removed from it in a way, yet aware that its been a difficult day for both of us and it's going to take time before we feel any relief of that.
In the meantime, in the genea-blogging world I see that there Winter Games going on, Carnivals coming up and everyone is still actively posting and I'm glad for that. I am loving keeping up with what all my blogger friends are doing, yet I still feel very removed from it all.. more baby steps to begin.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everything changes after a loved one passes. It takes time for a new "normal" to emerge, but it will happen. Blessings to you and your mom.
ReplyDeleteCindy,
ReplyDeleteMiss your post, but understand how it takes baby steps to get back to Normal! You continue to be in my prayers.
My Dad has been gone 8years but sometimes just a thought can bring tears to my eyes. Mom has been so strong and continues to live alone at 85.
The ache is so real, I remember that. It takes time, be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteCindy, my thoughts and prayers are with you - I've been there so know what you are going though. Hang tough.
ReplyDeleteI lost my father 11 years ago this month. So much of what you have written really hit home with me and brought tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteIt does take time but things really never are the same. I pray for strength for you, your mom and your family.
Cindy, Just hang on and do what you need to do to recover. We'll all be here for you when you come back. This year I've already lost my last uncle and a beloved older colleague from work; the loss of a beloved father is a far greater blow and will take a lot of time to recover from. You and your family are in my prayers and I know that when you return you will have your heart in it again.
ReplyDeleteCindy, I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed in 1997, and I still think of him every single day. Often, I still get ready to pick up the phone and call him, but then I remember...
ReplyDeleteThey say time heals all wounds, and perhaps it does, but some scars remain forever to remind of our pain. My you and your family be blessed as you adjust to this loss.